Guitar Songs That Will Scare Off Every Girl You Ever Meet

Guitar Songs That Will Scare Off Every Girl You Ever Meet

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I’m bored with talking about guitar gear and what bands are doing what blah blah. Tonight we’re talking about the reason almost every guy first picks up a guitar – in an attempt, as feeble as it may be, to impress girls. You might even be reading this while one of them is sitting next to you, and you’re thinking “what song can I learn that’s going to make her fall crazy in love with me? Or at least find me mildly attractive…” Well there’s more than enough articles and pieces of advice on songs you should play to impress her. 

But don’t be fooled, women connect with music at a level far beyond what us guys can understand, and if you pick the wrong song, she’s running for the hills and won’t be returning any of those desperate text messages. All the TikTok videos in the world can’t save you now. Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme. But still, choosing the wrong song will have the exact inverse effect of what you want. I know from experience, dude. – Chris Farley

In case it wasn’t obvious, let’s cover the obvious. Women are not impressed by how fast you can shred on the fretboard or how loud your Marshall Plexi 100W stack is. “Just listen to that tone though!” Famous last words as she walks out the door. I know there are exceptions to this rule, but let’s play the odds and assume you haven’t found that hidden gem just yet. 

Then there are songs that everyone tells you women will just looooove. But chances are, if she likes a guy who plays guitar, some other fella has already played it for her much better than you can and she most definitely will not be impressed, or they’ve played it much worse than you can and now she hates that song forever. 

Finally, there are some songs that you think, “that’s a winner for sure!” But in reality, for reasons you will and I will never know, women absolutely despise them. We’ll make note of some of these as well. 

Before we jump in, we don’t have any sponsors here at TastyJam Studios. But I do recommend products I think are worthwhile. If you’re an acoustic guitarist I highly recommend the Elixir Nanoweb Acoustic Strings. They feel incredible to play and will last at least 3 times as long as regular strings. Taylor Guitars even uses these stock on their acoustics. 

Ready? Let’s go then. 

Pumped Up Kicks – Foster the People

Do you play bass? Do you play drums? Do you have filtered compression with slapback voice modulation? Can you do all three at the same time? This whole song revolves around these three things, none of which can be accomplished easily with your Yamaha acoustic guitar and voice of an angel. 
This song was all the rage in 2010. Every sticky-floored college bar and cheap convertible had this blaring through the entire summer. There’s nothing wrong with the song itself, but there have been some horribly feeble attempts at translating this into a guitar version just for the sake of grabbing some of its popularity. 

Wonderwall – Oasis

Don’t play this song. I repeat, DO NOT PLAY THIS SONG. Not just for women, don’t play it for anyone. Ever. Anywhere. Even when you’re alone in the middle of the night thinking “I just need to play Wonderwall one more time.” Even then, don’t do it. In the mid 2000’s this became the anthem of every barely-competent tone-deaf guitarist wearing a sock on their head trying to impress people with “how good they are.” Having said that, I’ve played this song. It’s actually a great song. Do I feel shame? Yes. 

Every Rose Has Its Thorn – Poison

Bret Michaels was sexy in the 80’s. Now he looks like that one kid’s dad from your little league baseball team who hangs one arm on the batting cage and heckles the other team’s pitcher. No doubt, Poison was and still is awesome. Screaming down the road with the windows down blasting Nothin’ But A Good Time on a nice day is incomparable. But unless you’re trying to impress that 60 year old woman who gets to Brewski’s Bar & Grill every day by 11am, you should close the tabs on this one. 

Blackbird – The Beatles

This is your quickest path to becoming Dusty Dinkleman. It’s not a hard song to play on guitar. It’s a hard song to play well on guitar. And it’s even harder to play well and sing well at the same time. The Beatles are music royalty. Even if you think their music sucks and you play their songs flawlessly, the best response you’ll get is probably “Well it’s not as good as Paul McCartney did it but not bad.” If you’re playing this for someone who doesn’t know The Beatles, they’ll probably be disappointed you didn’t play Lady Gaga. 

Neon – John Mayer

You’re going to butcher this song. We all do. Don’t take it personally. It’s one of those songs where the magic is in the complexity of the strumming pattern. It’s an okay song if you just play the chords I guess (eh), but what makes people love it is the combination of rhythm strumming with fingerpicking and playing multiple parts at the same time. Without it, the song doesn’t sound complete and that can be like nails on a chalkboard for many people. Oh and also don’t do “In Your Atmosphere”. Or “Gravity”. Actually let’s just stay away from John Mayer songs. He’s washed up anyway am I right!? Agree to disagree. 

Elephant – Jason Isbell

If you really want to bring down the mood, give this song a try. It’s not hard to play, it’s not hard to sing. But it is about a friend of Isbell’s who died from cancer (apparently). If you are dating someone who gets fired up listening to you play this, you better run for the hills yourself. You know what, go ahead and play it. It’s a good way to test the waters. 

Bartender Song – Rehab

I have a personal vendetta against this song, so I may be a little biased. BUT, the song is about something like a fella who’s girlfriend cheats on him in a trailer park so he gets hammered and wrecks all her stuff as well as (ostensibly) his own life. Probably not a great start to the relationship to open with this one. On a high note though, Danny Trejo is in the music video which automatically makes it worth watching. He’s a very interesting guy. He’s actually the most interesting part of this entire blog. 

Hey Ya – Outkast

It should go without saying, but for some reason it doesn’t. Every once in a while you will run across a guy attempting to play this song with nothing but an acoustic guitar and being blissfully unaware of everyone else’s ears bleeding. Is there an acoustic guitar in the song? Yes. Does it play a crucial part to the melody? Yes. Should you play the song with an acoustic guitar only? Yes you should. You should play it and her hair catch fire just from the sound of your falsetto on the chorus. Do I have to point out that I’m joking here? Probably. Anyway, good song for parties, bad song for serenading. 
Ok that’s it for now. If you’ve crashed and burned attempting to play songs for someone I actually would very much like to hear about it. Leave a comment about your disastrous performance. I would like to say subscribe to our newsletter on the left for more articles like this, but you probably won’t. 
And remember, if you’re struggling on guitar, just go by a bunch more of them and drain your bank account. It’s sure to make you a better musician. 

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